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for the first time in a long while, i had to articulate what i feel. i need to move ahead of myself, and for myself. i needed to get away from being sorry for what i have done, and for suffering more than i had to.

IT’S OVER

harsh but real. not predicted; but it happened. in the middle of things getting so well and so much prospect for the future, everything just went black out.

IT’S MY FAULT.

had i not done this and that, this could have not have happened. but i wih to say, had i known 7 years ago there wS no place to stay at all, i would have not stayed.

THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO BE SORRY ABOUT.

my life could have coursed through other directions. i would have flown and landed somewhere else. or pobably i will just be flying around, like what I have always dreamed of.

GOT ANCHORED AWAY.

turning back is not the solution; nor trying to get things back again. it’s simple. it’s over. and i could not expect as much i have expected before that this could lastba lifetime.

JOURNEY CONTINUES
so i must not stop; even though it is so difficult to choose to stay. even though it is easier to go to other places again.
i’ve erred once, in prolonging my stay.
i couldnt afford to lose the other 7 years of my life before i am laid to rest.

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Dichotomies

I could not surmise why we can’t be consistent where we are and what we do; why we are obedient followers to one institution, and to other not.

Dichotomy of respect and loyalty to an institution is a choice, if you are probably a non-believer. But for believers, you do not separate the sacred from the secular. These are non-existent, there is just one plain.

So when you go to church early; and then you go to work late. That is dichotomy.

After Awhile

Family’s El Nido, Palawan trip just got so exciting with the presence of our 83 year-old grandparents.

We arrived on the cove at around 9 am. It was quiet and peaceful, the very exact thing I craved to experience. The night was dark, I couldn’t figure out the changes since the last time I was here.

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But what’s important this time around is that we are a bunch of family traveling. Nevermind who is with us, we braved through Tour A and the usually dared Tour C.

We got Tour A for only php 4,000 excluding the food. In a pre-arranged tour, that’s almost php 1,200 for each box. Tour B was a danger, the waves are larger and it heads towards west philippines sea. We got it for only php 4,500. We had to market for our lunch though fish, stuffed squid, for day 1 and pork and hotdog grilled to perfection by our boatmen. They cook whilst we enjoyed frolicking over cold waters and snorkeling on that dot.

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Tour A featured small and big lagoons, a hidden beach, and an island . I have been to this tour a couple of years ago, but I enjoyed this better, probably because we spent more time discovering the small lagoon.

Tour C, the strong-waved part that really scared us, boasted of a hidden beach with the most grain sands I have ever seen, helicopter island with the most relaxing waters, matinloc islands which is kind of story-laden.

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El Nido’s scene has turned into a foreigners haven. Europeans, in particular have risen in numbers. Yet, observers told me that there is a drop in tourists this year, unlike the previous ones where almost 90% of people around this coastal paradise are tourist.

I’ve learned to set aside what I want for the sake of my family. This isn’t my personal trip. So I had to work on everyone’s best interest. We find it a blessing to also have been connected with our church family, we have been accommodated at the best place in El Nido: Rosanna’s Inn.

A peculiar day turned into one of the best memories we could hold on to, to finally forget what happened in our past.

Laughter of Sorts

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Tonight, I would be sleeping with gladness because i had laughed out louder than how I used to. I could barely recall the last time I hit the floor laughing, and simply being happy and carefree.

I’ve had my epiphany. That laughter is life’s great balancer, or equalizer. It’s totally free and all I must do to is give in and enjoy. That’s least likely to happen but hey, i tried it. And it made me happy.

Your work will give you what you need. Blessings and good things will come to you. Only a man who has respect for the Lord will be blessed like that. (Psalm 128:2, 4 NIRV)

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After this trip, I could not but imagine myself having to quit from all these things.

First, God showed me ASEAN operations for an educational organization. One that will respond to present needs and meet future demands. The answer is to mobilize resources. It will be God who will provide.

Second, there is so much opportunities lying ahead educational provision. I could NOT just afford myself, but I have to raise a team for this, a counsel, and a multitude who would stage a warfare against the will of the world. We have to establish God’s kingdom in the field of education because the enemy knows that when he takes hold of the minds young people, he would succeed in owning almost all aspect of human life. One could not just do it alone, number is needed.

Third, I love traveling and thank God for this. I pray for my disciples that they will follow this lead. We are bound to conquer the world. From this month until next year, my calendar is already plot for travels. My prayer this time is to be able to look for partners who would invest in education here in the Philippines.

And as I am led back to the verses, thank you dear God for such blessings as this. You might have pruned me. You might have removed some parts which I think was very important. But hey, I am surviving, enduring, and most of all enjoying the new buds. Until such time that I’d be cut again, so I could grow taller, bigger, better, stronger.

Next stop: Manila and Mindanao in November. Thank you God!

Rain

I haven’t done this in a long while-to play in the rain, frolicking and leaping as if there’s nothing to worry or think about.

Much more, have that sense of peace and stillness, while the rainwater streams off my skin, while it drenches my clothes wet, and while it contracts my flesh to prepare for the next sensation.

Cold. Numb. Ethereal.

And when the thunder roars, and when the lightning strikes, I won’t bother anymore. For I have already made my eyes swollen with the raindrops, and it does make me feel good.

For as long as the rain pours down, my heaviest of burdens are cast off, down to my knees and into my toes, ’til these tiny drops kisses the ground and touches its soul.

Have I not Mighty God appreciated this moment? Of stillness. Of coldness. Of silence. just the waters. just the thunders. just the lightning.

Just you and me, in silence.

Prospects? Better.

The previous years were quite amazing for a show. Though, I aimed for a much bolder feat, time might’ve not fit very well. Yet.  And so I look back, and count the years, not with a whimper of an adult, but with a sheer bliss out of a child, who’d say, “I made it, Yes!”

2009 – less grouch. less temper out burst.

2010 –  year of release from all sorts of things.

2011 – less confusion. strain forward. pressed towards the prize.

2012 – foundations laid. right on track.

This year I’d be more focused living in the moment, tracking my life, and, to borrow Henry David Thoreau’s words, sucking out all the marrow of life. I’d probably be comfortable playing several roles.

 

1. Technopreneur. It was only recently, out of a need to bloat my pocket and to stuff my bank account, have I gained the knack for engaging into business. The principle is pretty easy, the employer gets the maximum of everything. They pay taxes less. They make other people earn for them. So I’d probably have my own venture and engage in investments, too.

 

2. Discipler. To become immortal, my options are to setup a business empire, to write a book, and to teach people. Why pick one, when I can do all? And it starts with knowing more people, engaging them into meaningful conversations, following their hearts, and leading them towards a purpose-filled life.

 

3. School Operations Officer. School is in my heart. I’ve built my world around it that now, I have access to all operations. I am gaining all the knowledge and building upon it wisdom that I need to become a credible school consultant. Not just academic-based, but one with an entrepreneurial spirit.

 

4. Sir/Kuya. A better oneI’d rather have it as daddy or tatay, but I couldn’t see myself marrying just for that. I’d be more communicative thru SMS and call, since I have lost all my passion for it. haha. I’d be more of a model. Since, they knew me back-then, I must show my right-now.

 

5. Publisher. This time, I am not just going to write. I am going to publish it so that others may read. My blogs should earn. I should send out contributions. I just need, not the right materials because I’ve got access to all of them. I just need the guts to have my works sent to magazines and online publications.

 

So much for the should and must. I’d fill better if I spice up my life with a lotsa, lotsa, and lotsa humor. Mine is absurd. More often, morbid. It worked with some people, but it doesn’t with the people I am with now. I’d pay for someone to teach me humor. haha. But I guess, this is the only lens missing in my life now, before I gain access to the rest.

The K-12 Teacher

The K-12 teacher is someone who begins with the end in mind. He has a vision of where to go and what to do in order to reach that.

A competent teacher has a passion for lifelong learning. He continues to learn. He has a manifold of resources. He is not delimited by his field of expertise but finds out more. He is always curious. His classroom work, no matter how small-scale it is, is evidence-based. He is an advocate of research-based teaching and produces his own action research, not just for publication but as a tool to measure his yearly performance.

A creative teacher connects concepts to real life scenarios and simulate real-life situations in the classroom. He has this certain degree of preparing his students from actual situations and how his students would best decide. He may not need to teach the way out, but he has created a situation where the learner can apply insight and wisdom to sort his way out.

A compassionate teacher takes time to know his students personally. He spends time with them not only as a professional worker but more so a family member who is willing to walk with them for life. He is a confidante. He knows what the learner values and gives equal importance to that. He knows them by name. When asked about their favorite color or food, he can answer it.

A committed teacher builds a student’s life by equipping them according to their needs and abilities. He gives priority to the usually un-loveables inside the classroom. He takes time to tutor and to differentiate instructions.

A teacher possesses a character that is Christ-like. In face of new realities around the children of this generation, a teacher must be able to answer them and model to them sound behaviors.

The 21st century and K12 teacher must be highly imaginative, proactive, edgy and trailblazing without losing sight of the needs of the children of today–children who are very different, with their very diverse and distinct personality and with a language of their own.

Shiver

Shiver. That’s what I used to feel every time I get colds during summers. The chill comes not from the cold outside. It beams from the innermost core. From the darkest pit where no one dares to go. Dark. Cold. Numb. Real. It gushes out streams of fearless voices and tons of deafening cries. Walk. Run. Amble. Run. Amble. Walk. Fast. Hurry. That point where I would find out if I had to go or continue running. Someone’s after me, also running. Fearlessly. Boldly. Trying to get ahead of me? No. Trying to catch me, make me a captive. The voice. His voice. It’s everywhere… Behind me. Before me. Beside me. Who would have thought that sound. That voice, must come at my back. I couldn’t worry less. I had to run, run as fast as I could. Or I will die. Will I? At that point. Where to go from here? Where to stomp my feet.

Suddenly, daylight broke.

No doubt, this birthday rushes in to me as very special one. Very much like I was celebrating my 7th birthday. With cakes and candles. With balloons and bicycles. Only with a set of people entirely different from the ones I grew up with. Some of them are gone. Some are away. I don’t mind it. Perhaps I was really called to live a sedentary life.

I am grateful nonetheless. And thankful because I waited and turned toward what God called me to do. It was not so easy to obey, but it was the greatest decision that I have ever made. Sometimes, I grapple with the times lost (and the relationship I could have had) but I have firm faith that God will replace those. He will top it even.

So let me prophecy for the life I would be living starting this moment.
1. I own a capacity building consultancy firm
2. I am traveling Asia, Europe, Australia giving professorial lectures and preaching the Word of God to people
3. I am driving my own cars — a blue one, a red one and a black one
4. I go home to a condominium in a Manila and a Japanese zen-inspired bachelor’s pad here in Palawan
5. I have my own network of leaders in high school, college, and professionals
6. I am shepherding a young professional group
7. No sicknesses for me and my dad and my siblings
8. Life and success the people whose lives I touch

Let all this be done according to my faith.